


Hit Me Baby One More Time

by CriticalKitty



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Boys Being Boys, Crack, Established Relationship, Friendship, Gay Panic, Humor, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Mafuyu Being a Little Shit, No Smut, Not a Commercial I swear, Pop Culture, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CriticalKitty/pseuds/CriticalKitty
Summary: Ritsuka had gotten the weirdest text, he had to double check it. It read: “Well, we’re getting more adventurous in bed soon. Kedama just ordered us a vibrator.”Of course, a picture of the dog looking up innocently was attached.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko & Satou Mafuyu, Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki, Kashima Hiiragi & Satou Mafuyu, Murata Ugetsu & Satou Mafuyu, Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102





	Hit Me Baby One More Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlonDJinjiT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlonDJinjiT/gifts).



> This is basically me taking something that happened to a friend and basing some Given boys shenanigans on it. Working title was Julia's Story, because she is an inspiration.

Ritsuka had gotten the weirdest text, he had to double check it. It read: “Well, we’re getting more adventurous in bed soon. Kedama just ordered us a vibrator.” Of course, a picture of the dog looking up innocently was attached.

The dark-haired teen went into full panic mode, his mind’s inner workers debating amongst themselves, raising code pink, salmon pink.

“More sex with Mafuyu – good.” His reasonable self suggests.

“More adventurous, are we not enough for him anymore?” his emotional self cries out in despair, clutching at his hair.

“It’s official, we suck at sex!” His (not so) virgin self agrees.

“Or maybe the problem is we don’t suck enough,” the calculated him replies thoughtfully.

“Everybody relax! This is a good thing. It just means more options.” His cool self exclaims and manages to take hold of the situation.

He should ask Mafuyu to explain. “I’m gonna need a lot more exposition on that,” He sends his boyfriend a reply text.

Not 10 seconds later, his phone is ringing, it’s Mafuyu calling to provide an explanation.

“I’m listening,” Ritsuka answers.

“well,” the teen began, sounding like he’s holding off laughter, and then sets off on detailing the events leading to that text:

“I guess it all started when I went to see Kaji-san the other day…”

* * *

They were in Haruki’s place. Just Akihiko and Mafuyu, lazing around and listening to some bass and drum heavy music, expanding the vocalist’s musical tastes while scrolling through the memes on Mafuyu’s feed. Akihiko had looked away for a moment to answer a text on his own phone, when Mafuyu had a sudden epiphany considering a product in a Wish advertisement his Facebook feed suggested him.

“Oh.” He said.

The drummer looked back at the younger teen’s screen to see a very inappropriate commercial for a butt-plug that connects to Apple music and vibrates in beat with the songs playing. “Kaji-san, you know, I bet this song would go really good with this.” Akihiko stared at his bandmate disapprovingly. “Mafuyu, that’s a Wish commercial. Tell me you aren’t buying sex toys off of Wish. They need to be medical grade, you know.” While the teen was somehow pretty easy to talk to, even though he did space out a lot, Akihiko for sure hadn’t expected to take on the role of his sex-ed teacher.

“Obviously not, I would only buy this stuff from Amazon and the likes. Too bad I can’t just go to the store and get some recommendations for one, but I’m not old enough to buy this stuff legally, you know.” Akihiko made a face at him, “The commercial just popped up. Anyways, I’m just saying that it’s pretty interesting. Don’t you think so, Kaji-san?” The blonde let himself drown in the reverberating bass and pops from the drums surrounding them, before humming his agreement. That definitely sounded interesting.

“You know, I saw one like this on Amazon. It had really glorifying reviews and a friend of mine also recommended it,” the younger man said, neglecting to mention that said friend was Akihiko’s ex. The guy seemed to be off the table conversation wise, ever since Kaji-san moved in with Haruki-san.

“Hmm, send me the link later.” Akihiko said, his curiosity piqued. “So that was Haru texting me just now, he’s coming back soon. Are you staying for dinner?”

This made Mafuyu check the time, he didn’t realise it was this late, “Nah, I’ll go home, it’s getting late already. Thanks though.” And with this he got up and gathered his things to leave. The older man walked him to the door and bid him goodbye.

“Bye, I’ll see you in practice in a couple of days,” the ginger said and as he turned to walk away, he added over his shoulder, “I’ll be sure to send you that link.” Waving, not bothering to turn around.

* * *

“Okay, but how did this lead to Kedama getting us a viberator?” This hasn’t really cleared anything up for him, “Also, who’s this friend that you apparently share sex toy recommendations with? It better not be Hiiragi, the little shit.” He adds, only half joking.

“No no, it’s Ugetsu-san, I just couldn’t really tell Kaji-san that I was sharing sex tips from his ex with him,” the teen answers lightly.

“His ex-roommate, you mean.” Ritsuka is starting to have a hard time following.

“Sure,” Mafuyu dismisses.

“How did you end up getting ‘sex tips’ from him, again?” It keeps surprising him over and over again how possessive he can get sometimes with Mafuyu. He knows this is a toxic trait, but he is trying his best to ignore it most of the time. _He_ isn’t talking to anyone about their sex life, though.

* * *

Mafuyu and Ugetsu had a weird sort of relationship that was purely based on mutual understanding of the sort that wasn’t easy to come across. How often did you find fellow gay musical geniuses in Tokyo? He was really glad for this opportunity for a mentor, even if he wasn’t sure at times which of them was actually more mature. He definitely owed Kaji-san something for facilitating this friendship.

One day he was supposed to get to Ugetsu’s place to discuss some changes to a tune he was composing, when he got a text from the guy, pleading him to bring some triple-a batteries along.

“sure, I’ll get some on my way over. Why do you need them?”

A quick succession of messages followed:

“My air conditioner remote is missing its batteries and it’s too fucking hot to not turn on the aircon”

“I don’t know where they went”

“Wait, I do know where they went!”

“Never mind, you’ll have to get some after all, they’re in my vibrator”

Mafuyu let out a chuckle and texted back, “As long as you have your priorities in order.”

The teen didn’t mind confiding in the older man in matters of romance. The violinist definitely had more lovers to his credit, and Mafuyu wasn’t quick to shy away from this sort of talk, he just hadn’t a chance of having it with anyone other than Yuuki so far. Ritsuka was too much of a cute, stammering virgin to be comfortable with these things, even after losing his virginity.

Ugetsu smiled widely when he opened the door for Mafuyu and was handed his batteries. “You’re a life saver! It’s so hot today,” the black haired man was decidedly redder than usual and his skin seemed shiny from sweat.

“Sure, but I mean, if you’re so hot, why didn’t you just switch the batteries back in the meantime?” The younger man asked.

The other blushed a little as he mumbled out that he was busy.

Mafuyu openly judged his friend. Ugetsu was the one who called him over, he could have just been frank about it and the vocalist would leave him to his activities.

“I just couldn’t help myself once I remembered where the batteries went, I had a really good song going, sorry.” He pleaded, “I did finish before you got here, though, so what’s the harm, really?” He added with what could only be described as a shit eating grin.

The ginger sighed exasperatedly and as he processed the black haired man’s words and realized something was off about that sentence. “What do you mean ‘had a really good song going’?”

Ugetsu’s eyes lit up “Oh, you’ll like this! It’s a vibrator that syncs to your Apple Music and operates according to the song. It’s awesome, I’ll show you,” and at Mafuyu’s put off expression, he added “I mean I’ll show you the Amazon entry, not the actual thing, geez!”

As he got to the right web page, Mafuyu remembered that he’d actually seen it before, about a year prior, when he stumbled across a BuzzFeed article with a list of the best product reviews the internet had to offer. This list had both the sex toy in question and the Haribo gummy bears. “Did you read the reviews for this?” He asked Ugetsu.

“Nah, I just ordered it after reading a recommendation on one of my music forums because it sounded interesting, why?”

Mafuyu took control of the mouse and scrolled down to the reviews section, revealing the little pot of gold to his friend. One review said to call in sick when trying this for the first time, because a day off will be required. Another suggested Britney Spears’ ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ as an orgasmic song option, further crowning the verse ‘My loneliness is killing me’ as the best part, ironically. After thoroughly enjoying the reviews section, Ugetsu nodding in agreement with most of them and them both cracking up at people’s wording choices, they got to the product questions section, where the first question, showing on top because it was marked as most helpful, was ‘Is it noice?’ and the answer under it read ‘Yes, it is noice.’

All of this, along with Ugetsu’s visible enthusiasm about the thing, were very compelling arguments for Mafuyu to want to get one for himself and Ritsuka. Unfortunately, this would have to wait for a time when his funds weren’t dedicated exclusively to the band’s needs.

* * *

“hmm, okay, I guess.” It seems like this friendship is important to Mafuyu. Ritsuka decided that he shouldn’t pry too much into it. Also, he has to admit that the more his boyfriend gushes about it, the more interested he is getting to try the toy. “I’m still not getting the dog’s role in all of this, though.”

“Okay, so remember that one time that we took Kedama on a walk and he pulled on the leash and made you drop your phone all spectacular?” He starts.

* * *

Mafuyu and Ritsuka were taking Kedama out on a walk, enjoying the night breeze, walking close together. Ritsuka had hold of the leash in one hand and his phone in the other, while Mafuyu had his own hands in his pockets, protecting them from the cold. They were just discussing the most suitable time for the next band meet with Akihiko and Haruki, the black haired teen in charge of typing while his boyfriend conserved his heat beside him. Then suddenly the small dog gave a valiant effort to charge at a great Dane that appeared as they rounded a corner, yapping and showing a lot more bravado than was appropriate given the size differences between the two dogs. 

“Whoa there!” Ritsuka cried out and had to balance himself as Kedama tugged roughly on the leash, somehow making his phone – which was in his other hand – jump out in an impressive arch, thankfully falling in soft grass, rather than breaking on the nearby rocks.

Mafuyu picked the phone up and saw that it was fine. The only damage done being a crude emoticon sent in the group chat. He giggled as he returned the phone to its rightful owner.

* * *

“Hmm, yeah, I remember,” the guitarist answers. It really had been funnier than dropping your phone had a right to be, something about the way it flew out of his hand was just very comedic, not to mention the eggplant emoji.

“So basically the same thing happened to me, It was even the same Dane that gets Kedama worked up. Only instead of sending weird emojis around, I ended up buying this cool vibe, thanks to amazon one click purchase service. It’s fate, there’s nothing we can do about it.” The mirth is clear in his voice.

“I mean, you can just cancel the order, can’t you?” ever the pragmatic, Ritsuka came with the solution.

“No no, U-e-no-ya-ma-kun, didn’t you listen to me? It’s fate. It was just meant to be.” He can hear the mischievous smirk in his boyfriend’s tone, “You’ll love it, I promise, it comes highly recommended.” He finishes with a chuckle, wringing the laughter out of Ritsuka as well. The guy was seriously ridiculous sometimes. He loves him.

“Of course. Nothing to be done.”

After a moment of thinking, the dark haired teen had another question, “but wait, why were you looking at it on Amazon just now? I get that you want to try the thing, but isn’t that a little excessive?”

Mafuyu laughed, “Kaji-san was asking me about where I think he should order it. He wants to get Haruki-san one for his birthday. Says he can’t justify the price to himself otherwise.”

“That seems like a weird gift, but okay, I guess” said Ritsuka. Mafuyu hummed on the other side of the line, making him feel like he might need to reevaluate this thought.

“So since he doesn’t have an Amazon account and it’s too bothersome to make one just to see how much it’ll cost, apparently, he asked me to check the price of the product plus shipping for him.” He continued. “He said he tried going to a sex shop and consulting the person there, but they ended up recommending the same model and he wasn’t sure that it was the best price, so I checked for him. Only you can’t check the shipping price on Amazon without adding the product to your cart, and then there are supposed to be some extra steps before the actual purchase, like adding a payment method and shit like that, but evidently when you purchase something you have to specifically uncheck the box that suggests future use of the Amazon one click purchase thing.”

“So what did you buy last time?” Ritsuka interrupts, curious.

“You know that list of products with funny reviews that had the vibrator?”

“Yeah?”

“It also had the Haribo gummy bears on it. I’ll send you a link to a great video of a guy reading the reviews later. They’re gummy bears that taste great and have a weird side effect of also being a powerful laxative. Anyways, I got Hiiragi some for his birthday a while ago, that’s the whole reason I even have an account.” He finishes, sounding entirely too proud about it.

The guitarist stared at his phone in horror. He sometimes forgot how cruel his boyfriend could be when it came to his childhood friend. “You actually gave them to him?” he has to put the phone back to his ear in order to ask.

“Of course! They were a huge success, too. The angry texts that pudding head sent me from the toilet that day never fail to make me smile.” Mafuyu answeres, his tone full of warm nostalgia. Scary.

“Anyways, you may have noticed, but I’m not really upset about the vibrator either, I was just hoping I’d have more liquidity when I bought it. And also, you know, actually consciously make the choice, rather than the dog making it for me.”

Ritsuka hummed in agreement. At this point he was already thinking of some songs they could try out together, getting a little excited himself. Maybe they could even write a new song together for this. Was that weird?

“You’ll love it, I’m sure!” Mafuyu exclaimed joyfully, “after all, it is noice.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I have some links for you guys.  
> The actual sex toy that is noice is this, reading the reviews is highly recommended: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071CPR2V4/ref=cm_sw_r_wa_apa_i_Q-WcFbJY8X98Y  
> The gummy bears reviews video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRgZOG13FMc  
> The article about what songs are best for music syncing vibes: https://www.elitedaily.com/women/vibrator-syncs-music-best-songs/1236856  
> Also thanks Suharu and BlonDJinjiT for beta-ing!


End file.
